Individuals coming back from combat are naturally going to have some behaviors that are carry over from what it takes to survive in a combat zone. It is not possible to survive such an experience without developing some combat stress reactions. It is also not reasonable to expect that after you have been in that hypervigilant mode for many months, that you would immediately 'downshift' just because you got on an airplane and flew home.
Some behaviors may require a little help in resolving and some will gradually subside over time. The hypervigilant mode, or you might say 'combat mode,' sometimes leads people to be more irritable, isolate themselves, and get into arguments. Often the person who was in the irritable state is unaware at first, but then later realizes or apologizes for their behavior.
But what if you all had an agreement in advance that it would be ok for another family member to ask in a loving manner if the person is "in combat mode?"
If you decide to use this helpful tool in your home the agreement should be made with all family members present.
Your agreement would be that if anyone feels that the returning veteran is being unusually hard to get along with, that person can ask in a loving, respectful tone of voice, "Honey are you in combat mode?" or "Dad are you in combat mode?" The veteran's part of the agreement is that if anyone asks this question, his/her part of the agreement is to stop and thoughtfully ask him/herself if they are perhaps in that irritable mode.
The question has to be asked in a loving tone of voice and as a question, not an accusation. If the veteran thoughtfully considers the question and feels that his/her behavior was reasonable, then it is ok to say calmly, "No I don't think I was." I realize that sometimes kids will challenge their parents to see what they can get away with (this is pretty normal). Therefore, if the adult thoughtfully decides that he/she was being reasonable, then it is ok to continue the discussion.
However, if you realize that you were acting in an angry or hypervigilant mode, then you need to own that and take some time to calm down.
Beverly Ann Dexter, Ph.D.
CDR MSC USN
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
EMDRIA Certified in EMDR
Chair, EMDRIA Military Special Interest Group
Chair, ISTSS Military Special Interest Group
Fellow, American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress
Individuals coming back from combat are naturally going to have some behaviors that are carry over from what it takes to survive in a combat zone. It is not possible to survive such an experience without developing some combat stress reactions. It is also not reasonable to expect that after you have been in that hypervigilant mode for many months, that you would immediately 'downshift' just because you got on an airplane and flew home.
